An Open Letter To Salman Khan

Salman Khan,

Seriously. When will you grow up? You are in your 40's and yet you are the biggest "child" in all of Bollywood. All these years and you've never managed to have one stable relationship with a woman for any length of time. Doesn't this make you wonder why every woman you've dated, or had an affair with, has dumped you? You're barely hanging onto the current one. I won't hold my breath until Katrina marries you. Her career is doing really well while your last four films have bombed. And you expect her to give all that up for your sorry ass?

Your childish behavior, your drinking, your anger issues and your stupidity. I mean, really. What kind of hammerhead thinks it's a great idea to kill an endangered animal, not to mention one that is sacred to the people of that area? And now this moronic fight between you and Shah Rukh Khan, intentionally dividing up most of the Hindi movie industry because of your childish feelings got hurt. The truth is a bitch, isn't it? When it slaps you in the face, it hurts. If you can't face up to the stupid crap you have done in your life and at least take a "ribbing" for it, then you deserve to be treated like a child.

Phir bhi, here you are, declaring to the world that you'll never be SRK's friend again. How utterly filmi. SRK took the high road and only very briefly spoke about the feud while you stood up, beating your chest in outrage, practically rending your clothes in indignation, shouting about it to the world and making threats against SRK's staff. *yawn*

SRK said it best. He thinks like a father. You think like a child.

Do you want to really make people respect you again? Issue a public apology to the following people:

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan: this one should be done, kneeling in front of her, with your forehead on her feet, on live national television so the whole country can see it.
Shah Rukh Khan
Vivek Oberoi (Especially since Vivek publicly apologized to you...even bowed to you...and he did nothing wrong but date Aishwarya.)
Shahid Kapoor
John Abrahams
Rani Mukerji

Actually...wait. I don't really care if you ask for SRK's or anyone else's forgiveness. I'm sure the people in that list don't care either. They go on without you just fine. But you'll never be a man in the eyes of many women, worldwide, unless you confess how badly you treated Aishwarya and ask, publicly, for her forgiveness.

Until then, you are a just a gandu.